disclaimers: this is a joke, these are solely my independent views, they aren’t all winners, i refuse to be held to account for any of my statements, etc etc etc.
how does this titan of corporate industry, now one of the most powerful people on the planet, still regularly fuck up his limp handshakes?
sorry did he just say “first lady… of the united states?” like it was a question?
how can he claim “zero illegal aliens admitted?” like, that is almost definitionally an impossible claim to prove
it looks like his dentures are going to fall out if he doesn’t constantly move his mouth. has he always done the jaw sliding thing?
fully botched is stock market line which is crazy - on top of everything else, the incompetence on his team is so stunning. how did they send him up there without having drilled this speech?
wow the repubes have really committed to standing every time he pauses for applause. you can actually see some of them looking around to confirm that yes, they really do have to keep standing
i’m going to give his team some credit here, and i’m going to give it to susie wiles, because i feel like she’s behind it - very strong tactical move to put the two most smug faces on the planet Earth behind him as he speaks. it’s almost hard to pay attention to the inane rambling - here i sit, very successfully rage-baited.
wow the hughes brothers have very clearly been emergency media-trained and damned if they aren’t all trying their best not to look too happy about being there. it’s not working! the poised faces lasted like 30 seconds
omg he short circuited on the hastily-written hockey honors language. that was a real peek behind the curtain.
oh my god, the crowd and the president and the camera crew can’t decide which veteran is Buddy. that is another wild gaff caused by incompetence, inexperience, or both!
harsh transition into what I think is supposed to be a super emotional story, but i actually didn’t follow what he said - and i’m pretty quick!! certainly about the heroism of an invited veteran, but AGAIN the camera and the people staffing the guests couldn’t decide which person was being honored. so weird, so easily avoided, and so rude to those guests.
megan is standing up already! damn!
the stories aren’t really landing at all - even the vets - he really doesn’t seem like he cares about this, even more so than usual
oh my god, is he looking directly at the supreme court justices while he talks about tariffs, he totally is, that is crazy behavior.
every time the president of the united says “congressional action will not be necessary,” the ghost of james madison is summoned to suffer once more in the soon-to-be-final resting place of the federalist project, washington dc.
i love the NYT live chat, it makes me feel like i’m in college again
oh hell yeah, we just got a close up of an old man having fallen asleep and then waking up on camera. classic
lots of folks clapping about the no-congressional-insider-trading law who are the perpetrators!!! both sides of the aisle baby!!!
my personal theory about the obsession with pelosi and biden and obama - we know he was a democrat for a while, probably a proximity to power thing in NY - i feel like he resents them and the dnc for not taking advantage of and elevating him while he was on their team, so he’s been pissed off and petulant
war on fraud led by fraud in chief (jd vance, professional scammer) is doge redux
i’m certainly not mad about the federal government supporting the families of people lost to violence and drug use (although it is a departure for the “small government” crowd, isn’t it) but it’s so weird to specify it like that
i think they are in violation of fire code, this room is full
it’s really easy to think that “the first mission of the united states is to protect american citizens not illegal aliens” is a reasonable thing to say and believe, but it just isn’t! that is a claim that falls apart under the most basic objections
sarah mcbride, ilhan omar, rashida tlaib - i like the seated yelling, go off queens
fuck the save act! so they love to tout the poll from pew that says 80 something percent of democrats support voter id - polls are as good as the questions, and the questions here were basic. good information for a pulse of national sentiment, insufficient information by which to make policy. if you EXPLAIN that you only get access to a ballot at all by proving your citizenship in myriad ways when registering to vote, then people become a lot less amenable to the idea that poll workers will not let them drop their presidential ballot in the box because they lost their drivers license that day. he is 100% reliant on treating the electorate like imbeciles and them believing it.
babe a rock can get a full ride to liberty university aim higher OH MY GOD ERIKA KIRK JUMPSCARE
after some weird interlude, he has named charlie! and erika stands, to chants of “CHARLIE” ringing through the halls of the us house, because i am actually being punished à la The Good Place.
team trump you should not allow this man to say “beautiful young woman” just from a strategic perspective, and jesus christ that is a horrifically graphic recounting of her murder in front of her parents and the entire country
he said there’s no crime in dc anymore which is interesting and still not true
brb looking up who is speechwriting team is because they are not impressing me
okay it was ross worthington and vince haley and they came to the second trump administration by way of the first admin under stephen miller, before that newt gingrich. so there’s that asked and answered
excuse me but to say little marco will go down as the greatest secretary of state in us history is violently ahistorical - oh, immediately followed up by the claim that the invasion of ukraine just wouldn’t have happened if he’d been president. ???
democrats! here’s my strategy for next year. all of you attend, everyone is assigned a number. every time he lies, one single person makes the most annoying sound they can - i’m imaging the buzzer sound adam sandler makes in Grown Ups - until they are removed from the chamber. repeat until democrats are gone and/or speech has concluded. this will also generate a prediction market around how much of the speech will elapse before all of the democrats have left the chamber, generating economic value. streamers will stream said event, providing entertainment to the masses and further generating revenue. clips of your silly noises will proliferate on social media, benefitting individual members of the delegation as well. i offer this to you for free
considering the average age of the attendees, why did the speech start at 9 p.m. eastern?
i like the ‘release the files’ pins and i do think everyone should be wearing one. blue team needs to coordinate!!
ew, a really callous joke that “no one wants to go fishing anymore” in reference to his illegal boat strikes off Venezuela. he’s murdered dozens of people in the open ocean and really does think its funny that anyone cares
i feel like there could be more jeering. i would like to hear more boos
the “guest of honor, come on in!” was almost appropriate for the men’s hockey team - it really feels so tasteless for everyone else. that is a person wounded in action because of your (illegal) capture of another country’s leader, and you’re gonna make him walk in partway though and stand? weird
going to research the history of the state of the union address brb
hey man fine we can all cheer for the cute old veteran while he gets the medal of honor, he’s had to stand up and sit down SO many times tonight
lets get congress to sundance see if we can’t bump up those standing ovation lengths
and a harsh pivot back to traditional SOTU language, where ross and vince get poetic with it in their best sam seaborn impression - i fear it simply does not sound right when he tries to express lofty ideals
my research leads me to the universe’s most consistent truth - all bad things can be blamed at least in part on ronald reagan. he’s the guy who started recognizing special guests (“Lenny Skutniks”)
and it’s over great yay
i am so brave for doing this on a night when he broke his own record for longest recorded SOTU. i shall now go listen to gov spanberger as a palate cleanser
tell me which thing i said that made you audibly exclaim “this idiot!” so i can apologize profusely and learn how to be better. alternatively, comment how brilliant i am, or something in between